The insidious creeping guilt of others in vet and healthcare.

When I was in senior roles at big animal shelters, it happened all the time. Someone would try to surrender a dog or cat. We were full. We’d say, “Sorry, there’s a waiting list,” or “We can’t fit them in.”

And suddenly, they were furious with us.

And I’d feel guilty.

We all wanted to help; the animals, the people. Well, until the people started acting like twats and then, well, we mostly just wanted to help the animals.

But here’s the thing I took a long time to figure out: those people were angry because they were trying not to feel guilty.

When they try to make YOU feel guilty, it’s because they don’t want to carry it anymore. If they can make something YOUR fault, subconsciously it means it wasn't THEIR fault.

If it’s your fault you can't fit their kid or pet in on a Saturday morning, they don't have to process the unfair conflicts of being a working parent.

If you’re "just in it for the money", then they don’t have to admit they waited too long or didn’t have the money. Suddenly, you’re the problem, not them, and that's a relief.

They're not even doing it on purpose. It's just an evolutionary response to uncomfortable negative feelings; give them away! (Turning it into anger is the quickest way to achieve this, which is why it's so often the first symptom)

So here’s what you really need to do: don’t pick up that guilt.

Let it sit there. On the consult room table.

Personally I picture it as a dark, ugly cloud with tentacles trying to reach out to touch me, like an obscurus from Harry Potter. Someone drags it out off from above their head and tries to hand it to you.

You can say, “Yeah, I’m sorry you’re hurting,”, let them put the black blob down on the table between you. And then leave it behind when you walk out.

If you’re lucky, a kind nurse will sweep it into the trash without even noticing.

Guilt of others in vet and healthcare creep in regularly. Uncomfortable emotions make us all want an escape, and you are the best scapegoat they have. You can allow them to unburden themselves WITHOUT taking it on as your own.