Experiencing gender bias as a woman in leadership.

Ever followed the exact leadership script you were told to, and got called bossy? Or kindly challenged an opinion and held your ground, to receive the feedback that you're being aggressive?

If you’re a female leader, you’re probably nodding.

I don't want another whinge about being a victim of the patriarchy; I am not and never will be someone who accepts the way the world is or sits back and gossips about it without taking action. But I do want to put data and clarity to the double bind we face; the tricky balancing act between being assertive enough to earn respect, yet gentle enough to stay likable.

It’s exhausting.

And it’s real.

Experiencing gender bias as a woman in leadership is something many face.

Research shows this isn’t just a feeling. In one famous study, identical essays were judged more harshly when attributed to women, regardless of quality.

Another looked at police chief hiring decisions and found that when the “female” candidate had more education, and the “male” candidate had more experience or vice versa, biases flipped depending on who had which advantage. Criteria seemed to stretch to fit a preferred outcome.

These aren’t just numbers. I’ve lived it.

At a corporate gathering, I shared a straightforward idea. It barely got a nod. Two hours later, a male colleague repeated it (less eloquently if I do say so myself) and suddenly everyone loved it. I literally laughed out loud (so I guess maybe did fall into the hysterical women stereotype for a moment).

Our industry is overwhelmingly female, yet leadership skews male. That gap isn’t coincidence.

So what do we do?

We need to shift the conversation from blaming individuals to changing systems: mentorship programs that actually mentor women, unbiased leadership training (or, frankly as biased as you like, to the people who actually need to hear it), diverse panels at conferences, and a critical look at how we evaluate leaders.

And we all, women and men, need to check our own biases. We ALL think we're objective. I've watched men AND women make clearly biased statements or decisions, and preface it with how they pride themselves on being an ally.

So go deeper at challenging ANY time you are frustrated with a leader, disagree with a comment, want to think someone is being aggressive. Are we rating likability over competence? Are we unconsciously holding women to impossible standards?

This isn’t just a gender gripe. It’s a reminder in the age of "shall we undo decades of work towards equality because some of it is annoying" that we didn't even GET to equality before we started dismantling it.

We've got more to do.